Our hydrangea has been sadly not covered with blooms this year. We planted it in 2018. There were at least a couple of blooms on it last year, and we’re not sure why it’s slow to bloom this year. So after reading Bonny’s post yesterday, this morning I checked on ours … and surprise! two blooms!
Which makes a really lovely segue to the One Little Word story I have for this month. I’m honestly glad to have a story this month.
For many reasons, August has been hard. sad. angry. withdrawn. lonely. hopeless. hard. I’m sure no more than y’all have felt (perhaps are constantly – or still – feeling) these past months. When I’m in a healthy place, I deal with All That in constructive ways. I engage with others. I take action (I DO things). I spend time by myself that’s creative and constructive, and I re-charge. But this month, I just lost it. I didn’t feel like myself any more. I picked up The Road Back to You (the Enneagram intro book I read early last year) thinking maybe I’d just mis-typed myself. Maybe the strategies I’d been using to cope with things were just wrong. After a few days of healthy self-reflection, I realized no, I hadn’t mis-typed myself. Rather, I’d let All That take me to a very unhealthy place. And the things I was doing and feeling were completely normal (and yes!, unhealthy) responses for me. For you Enneagram folks, I am (still) a Type One and I’d let myself fall into the unhealthy side of a Type Four.
In a really good place, I could be “more self-accepting, spontaneous, fun, open to trying new things and being both/and rather than either/or … [I could] shift [my] attention from what’s wrong about the world to what’s good and right about it.” (The Road Back to You, p. 107, emphasis mine).
I read and re-read those words this past weekend. and yesterday morning I read this poem on Morgan Harper Nichols Instagram (the poem is actually ten frames long and I highly recommend reading all of it!)
then last night – and again this morning – I listened to her podcast about the poem.
The path forward is becoming clearer. I can disconnect from the negative voices. I can practice creative and constructive habits. I can DO things. I can be OK feeling many things at once. and I can open myself to surprises in a positive way (not always expecting the worst). Over the next month, I am going to seek out those good surprises. and I’m going to try to better about feeling the good and the bad (and all the other things) without letting all the feelings overwhelm me.
Maybe there’s a piece of this story that will help you, too. Thank you for giving me the space to share.
and thank you to Honoré for hosting our monthly meet-up!